Funny Dark Valentine Card – Life Sentence With You – Captured Live Maduro Adult Humor

from $6.35
Love is commitment… extreme commitment 😅
This dark-humor Valentine’s Day card flips romance on its head with a hilarious punchline: “I’m ready for that life sentence with you.”

Featuring a hand-painted style illustration paired with subtle hearts and bold contrast, this card is perfect for couples who share a twisted sense of humor and don’t take Valentine’s Day too seriously.

❤️ Perfect For:

Funny Valentine’s Day cards

Dark humor Valentine cards

Anti-Valentine gifts

Internet-culture humor lovers

Couples who don’t do cheesy romance

Custom Printed Message Instructions:

Alright, genius, if you've picked a card with a custom message (because you're obviously too cool for our pre-made ones), slap that message in the notes section before you bail to checkout. And hey, check your spelling, will ya? We're printing it as-is, typos, and all - because we believe in your unique brand of chaos.

Materials:

Card Material: This isn't your grandma's cardstock. It's Premium White, Thick, A6 size - because we're fancy like that.
Printing: Done with a high-quality printer, not a potato.
Envelope Included: Yep, it fits the card. A6-sized, for those who care.
Cellophane Sleeve: Each card is entombed in plastic, like a prized action figure. Shipped in a rigid envelope, because we don't do bent cards.
Shipping:

We move at the speed of a sloth on vacation. Orders go out in 1-3 business days.
Shipping options via USPS, because we're basic:
USPS First Class (cheap, no tracking)

We ship on time. Period. If your order's taking a little longer to arrive, blame the postal service, not us-we don't hand-deliver with wings. ETSY's "expected delivery" dates are just hopeful guesses, not hard deadlines.
So hang tight. It's called snail mail for a reason.

Return and Refund Policy:

Customized cards? No backsies. Once you hit that purchase button, it's out of your hands and into the void.
Non-customized cards: Got regrets? You've got 14 days from when it lands on your doorstep. Return it like it never happened, original packaging and all.
Got a Problem?

Tough cookies. But fine, email us. We'll see what we can do.

Thanks for choosing us, you brave soul.

Copyright Disclaimer:

Just so we're clear: you're paying for our time and mad skills, not for the fancy characters on the card. We don't own them; we just play with them. No endorsements, no licenses, just pure, unadulterated fan love.

Language Reminder:

English, please. It's the only language we speak without accidentally cursing.

Funny Valentines Card | Lord of the Rings Fan | Unique, Funny Valentine's Card for Partner | for Boyfriend, Husband, Partner, My Precious
With Message?:
Love is commitment… extreme commitment 😅
This dark-humor Valentine’s Day card flips romance on its head with a hilarious punchline: “I’m ready for that life sentence with you.”

Featuring a hand-painted style illustration paired with subtle hearts and bold contrast, this card is perfect for couples who share a twisted sense of humor and don’t take Valentine’s Day too seriously.

❤️ Perfect For:

Funny Valentine’s Day cards

Dark humor Valentine cards

Anti-Valentine gifts

Internet-culture humor lovers

Couples who don’t do cheesy romance

Custom Printed Message Instructions:

Alright, genius, if you've picked a card with a custom message (because you're obviously too cool for our pre-made ones), slap that message in the notes section before you bail to checkout. And hey, check your spelling, will ya? We're printing it as-is, typos, and all - because we believe in your unique brand of chaos.

Materials:

Card Material: This isn't your grandma's cardstock. It's Premium White, Thick, A6 size - because we're fancy like that.
Printing: Done with a high-quality printer, not a potato.
Envelope Included: Yep, it fits the card. A6-sized, for those who care.
Cellophane Sleeve: Each card is entombed in plastic, like a prized action figure. Shipped in a rigid envelope, because we don't do bent cards.
Shipping:

We move at the speed of a sloth on vacation. Orders go out in 1-3 business days.
Shipping options via USPS, because we're basic:
USPS First Class (cheap, no tracking)

We ship on time. Period. If your order's taking a little longer to arrive, blame the postal service, not us-we don't hand-deliver with wings. ETSY's "expected delivery" dates are just hopeful guesses, not hard deadlines.
So hang tight. It's called snail mail for a reason.

Return and Refund Policy:

Customized cards? No backsies. Once you hit that purchase button, it's out of your hands and into the void.
Non-customized cards: Got regrets? You've got 14 days from when it lands on your doorstep. Return it like it never happened, original packaging and all.
Got a Problem?

Tough cookies. But fine, email us. We'll see what we can do.

Thanks for choosing us, you brave soul.

Copyright Disclaimer:

Just so we're clear: you're paying for our time and mad skills, not for the fancy characters on the card. We don't own them; we just play with them. No endorsements, no licenses, just pure, unadulterated fan love.

Language Reminder:

English, please. It's the only language we speak without accidentally cursing.

Funny Valentines Card | Lord of the Rings Fan | Unique, Funny Valentine's Card for Partner | for Boyfriend, Husband, Partner, My Precious